The NSA

I'm trying to give a shit, but I only farted.

The answer will be me. I will be watching the Watchmen.

"What?! No BMX bikes?!" *exits hastily, slams door on way out.*

Are you strumming the strings with pizza wrapped bacon? Does it sound cool and especially gun-totin' American? I'm thinking Lynyrd Skynyrd-ish.

The youngest kid on "Home Improvement" was in a Goth band. Pretty cool for such a shitty show.

They need to dump this awful series. This was the worst one since that wrestler dumped on Rednex' "Cotton Eyed Joe". Even when people I like are featured, I somehow find them less like-able. That was not the problem here though. This woman is as lazy as she is unfunny.

I was working on bit a while ago, about the Make a Wish Foundation. The premise was that Rhianna was gonna have sex with this dying 12 year old. I know, already pretty hilarious, right? Anyway, when Rhianna lays on her back the kid just sighs and says, "What? No anal?" In the bit I say, "I swear, terminally ill kids…

Throat-warhbler-mangrove.

They reran that episode of SNL last week. I could not justify sitting through that monologue again.

And the other week when they were racist.

I think he's part Native American, but your description is pretty on the nose.

Was that a hip-hop BBQ? How come he wore mom jeans? Also, my mom would like her jeans back.

This reminds me of that awkward moment when I introduced Talia Shire to Jenny Garth, "Talia this is Jenny. Jenny, Talia."

I heard each of the members of Bush lost ten pounds on some new vegan diet. Now they call themselves Bush Light.

Gettin' a little tired of all this hawin' and hemmin'.
Yo, man, I hit Fred Durst in the balls with a lemmon!

"Ess-Ay-Tee-You-Are-Dee-Ay-Why Night!" Do you know why they just say "Night" and don't spell it out? Cuz they were running out of song.

It's on the corner of Here and Now, man.

Across the pond I'm known as Lord Gaga.

Perhaps he will do for this show what he did for "Two Men and One Fat Ugly Kid", i.e. drive severalteen nails into its coffin.