You forgot to mention ass rape. You are supposed to talk about ass rape, and ONLY ass rape, when talking about prison.

The penalty for broadcasting Bono saying "fuck" should not be a $35 million fine. It should be having Bono fed alive to wild pigs.

Reverend G: I think there is a ten-year statute of limitations on spoiler-warning claims, which would have expired on Time Bandits sometime in Clinton's first term.

I disagree with those who have a "nuanced" view of this stupid, illegal, immoral, wasteful, rotten war. I also think cancer is bad and that it's a terrible way to die and that people who have cancer deserve to be treated with kindness. But Hitchens supported the war AND has cancer!

I think the lesson here is: Never quit smoking.

Someday, the whole AVC comment section will just be pictures of Marilyn Monroe talking to each other.

Lobsters, can you imagine how fucking long a Sandinista! movie would be? And the last hour would be all repetitive dubs, or whatever the movie equivalent of a dub is. Montages.

Complaining about not being given SNL sketches is like a concentration camp guard complaining about not being given any Jews to gas.

Next up from Hitchens, his sequel memoir, "Will There Ever Be a Rainbow?"

Hitchens is a "Drink-soaked popinjay," as MP George Galloway put it in a 2005 debate.

I will go on the record as saying I would fuck the fucking ass right off Tilda Swinton.

You know that he's like four feet tall, right?

Slip out of your robot patois for a moment.

Tony Millionaire kicks just about anybody else's ass. Maakies is such a magical world of drunkenness, hangovers, violence, and bodily malfunction.

Sorry, not that it matters, but the comic was not by Ward Sutton. Another guy who was a cartoonist who lived in Minneapolis and then moved to Seattle.

There's also a comic by Ward Sutton from almost 20 years ago, allegedly based on a true story, where two dudes kidnap a guy at a gas station in Minneapolis and make him drive around making withdrawals from cash machines, and they made him smoke crck, too. And guess what, since the kidnapped guy "admitted" to smoking…

They were DC's response to "grim spaghetti"!!

I think RealDoll makes robot nuns.

Also, what happened to the "Why do I Own This" column? That shit about the Robin Hood cereal box was pretty funny. And the fucking baseball player paintings.

My brother had this very same book, same cover and all, and I tried to read it one summer in North Dak. I was unsuccessful. Hay needed mowing, gophers needed shooting, and it was a fucking bore.