Please be sure to give a courtesy flush after any mention of Shi+ LaBeouf.

I was just listening to some old Metallica a few weeks back and commented to my buddy how I never realized how shitty a drummer Lars has always been. He is like a drummer that is suffering from dementia - there are brief flashes of coherency trapped under volumes of disconnected noise.

I call my liver 'the sidebar'

I'm using a typewriter ribbon for auto-erotic prefixiation right now Mr, Miss, Ms or Mrs Truffleberry.

"The Martian, a significant chunk of which revolves around Matt Damon’s quest to grow potatoes while stranded on Mars"

Do not encroach on a Irishman's bar space. Leave room for the pint to be lifted from the bar and imbibed with the drinking elbow perpendicular to the bar rail.

I want to complain!

One is susceptible to blight and the other is a blight. In both scenarios millions suffer.

Her face must have dropped when you broke the news.

Paint chips can contain lead and possibly asbestos. Consuming chips is not recommended. Now CHiPs on the other hand packs quite a Ponce!

Is this a joke? Neeson's wife, Natasha Richardson died from complications related to a skiing accident and he is going to run with a production called Hard Snow? I hate to be an informer but that is even lamer than '12 Inches of Snow' by Snow.

Fleshy headed mutant! Are you friendly eh?

Running America has to take up a lot of your time Mr. President. Please repeal the new AV Club commenting system - it's Obamaishtistic.

Potato-Man!

He only rented it to Mel for a short time. You ever try sleeping in the backseat of a firebird? The hump made his sciatica flare up something bad. He was pissed when he let himself into the trailer one day and found Mel all coked-up banging a hooker dressed as Eva Braun and covered in vegemite.

I'm not here, not commenting, never again. This is not the last time - I mean it.

This belows.

The upstairs was packed like a 19th century Lower East Side tenement. But downstairs was vast and sprawling with a large kitchen in-between the rec room and the living room/dining room. They also had ample space for Mike's home office and a bloody maids quarters! But upstairs they were crammed in like passengers on…

It's quite beautiful to see.
To witness such a shift toward peace and civility is an underappreciated feat of mankind.

After he wins the Electoral College he meets with a narcissistic rapper who is married to a woman that made a porn film with a minor celebrity, regularly shows her naked body to the world and is not considered a porn star and is considered a decent mother. Oh, nearly forgot, Scott Baio is relevant in a minor capacity…