I'll bet their spreadsheets are so tight you could bounce a quarter off of them.

Awfully sorry to correct you good sir but Abbey Road is in the front and Penny Lane in the rear.

Aedan & Jackson? Your managers are a crime-fighting beagle duo?
I wish I had your job.

"You're arresting me because I set a homeless person on fire?? What sort of country are we living in???"

The irony of using 'de-emphasize' as a verb directly proceeding 'empathy' is pathological.

Let us know when you have your Good Will Hunting 'Howa Bowt Dem Appils' moment. That will be wicked cool!

There is no need to disparage actual toolbags. They can contain many useful instruments that can be utilized to make and illustrate great testaments and monuments to the greatness of humanity.

Exhibit A: President Trump.

"Now, this is a shared lesson, don't discuss anything with anybody in the workplace."

Dips hand into barrel of peanuts -comes out with one tiny orange nut. Proclaims it to the best, greatest and most nuttiest nut ever.

I'm ambidextrous in certain areas.

What is the nickname of the NFL player that ran for 259 return yards against the New England Patriots in the final game of his sophomore year?

Unless you work at Fox News - Then maybe you'll come up to my room and we can 'take it off' the record…

Seeing a Navy Seal in a cubicle would be a sad thing for me; they may have risked their lives on many top-secret and dangerous missions to secure the safety of the world's citizens but their supervisor Taylor wont grant them access to a managers meeting.

Wait…the internet has porn?!?!

And now for if it was a boy the teacher would have said something completely different like Bicycle Repair Man.

-Fucking them? Over.
-Fucking them over.

Do you work for the New York Jets?

I considered a witty retort to your comment but it seemed puny in comparison.

Seems like they have gotten themselves into a bit of a boongoogle.