This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and my TelePrompTer is telling me to say, "So is your face".

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about what the fuck I am doing in my earlier post is, that I am commenting in this comment section. The story is also that this is a shameless plug, which is when someone brings attention to some personal project, for my "Twitter" account, which can be found on Twit…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, known as @Pretend2B_Perd on the social networking website "Twitter", and the story about you is, that by asking me to slow down, you are telling me that you are waiting for me, and since your username is @tomwaitsfornoman:disqus , that is something my TelePrompTer, which is a…

The story about this post is, that I have not been on NuDisqus, which is an updated version of Disqus, which is the software platform that allows us to comment on this website, and many others, and which most of us hate, in a while, and have only just now seen your comment about me. I have chosen to give you a "Like"…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about me is, that I blinked, which is the past-tense word for an involuntary, which means I don't choose to do it, closing and opening of the eyelids, and I was suddenly three years older. The story of my second sentence, is that you can now "follow" my "tweets" by…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about what I'm about to say is, is that I am tired and cannot think of anything funny to say. However, I want to say something, so I am now typing in words, which will make a sentence, that I will then end, and hit the Post As ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley button…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about me is, I am sitting in - which is replacing - for Bob Costas, because, he says, now that he can see, he wants to watch videos of someone called "Tanja Kolbe" having "Costume Malfunctions", and Matt Lauer is drinking a drink called "Vodka", which I am told is…

I don't understand what you just said, but it had the cadence of a previous character reference.

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, stepping out of my comfort zone, which is a place with which I am happy and safe, with something to say about this thing, and that something is, "Why, God," which is believed by many faiths to be the supreme being which rules us all, "why?"

…Kenny G?

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, with the news that a far more capable newsreader was available to host the Winter Olympic Games, called the Winter Olympic Games because they are played during the season of winter, and that the newsreader more capable of hosting the Winter Olympic Games is named Perd Hapley, the…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about this Thursday's webisode is, that I will be watching with eager anticipation, which is really looking forward to seeing something, on my desktop computer device, which is called a desktop computer device because it is a computing machine, and it is on my…

In the interest of full disclosure, this reporter, who is me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, knows why your first reply was what it was, but does not wish to take the extra time it would take to formulate a reply explaining the situation to the general public, which is everyone else who doesn't know that the word you…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about this story is that it its ironic, in that a lock, which is something used to lock things securely, was stolen, and it is also sad, because said lock was a token of love, which is an emotion indicating extreme affection, that must be felt by at least one…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the name I am calling this story is Tardiness Watergate, until I can think of something snappier. I am late in posting this story because I have been traveling across the country that I live in, which is the United States of America, because I have had time off of my work to…

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about me tonight is, that I'm sad and relieved that my Eagleton doppelganger, which is an evil twin, was not seen tonight.

I'm ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about this story is that it is sad; Mr. Pallana was a man who was something, and that something was a damn fine entertainer.  I hope he rests in a place, and for that place to be a place of peace.

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, thanking you not at all for reminding him of the first episode of X-Files he ever saw.

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story about The Gentlemen is, that they are the most genuinely terrifying thing seen on television since Dale Cooper saw Bob in the mirror.

This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, reporting about a town that is the worst, and that town that is the worst is Eagleton, which is the town that neighbors the town that is the best, and that town that is the best is my town, and the name of that town is Pawnee.