This is ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, of Eye On Pawnee's Eyewitness4 News, with a breaking news story, which is that April Ludgate-Dwyer, Pawnee Parks and Recreation employee, is writing what I am told is "SciFi slashfic", which is a term that even my trusty TelePrompTer, from which I read everything that I say, does…

Good evening, Pawnee.  I'm ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley, and the story of what you are watching is that this is Eyewitness4 News, with me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley.  My trusty TelePrompTer, from which I read everything that I say, is telling me that there is a new story developing, and that story is that there…

My TelePrompTer, from which I read everything I say, is telling me to smile and respond to your summons, even though this segment of a television show didn't feature me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley for so much as one frame.  It is also telling me not to tell you to look for the post that it dictated to me an hour…

My TelePrompTer, from which I read everything I say, is telling me to smile and respond to your summons, even though this segment of a television show didn't feature me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley for so much as one frame.  It is also telling me not to tell you to look for the post that it dictated to me an hour…

HAHAHA!  Well, my trusty TelePrompTer, from which I read everything that I say, is telling me that this was quite a humorous episode, which is a short segment of a television show which makes people laugh in amusement.  Even though I wasn't in this short segment of this television show, there were many things which…

HAHAHA!  Well, my trusty TelePrompTer, from which I read everything that I say, is telling me that this was quite a humorous episode, which is a short segment of a television show which makes people laugh in amusement.  Even though I wasn't in this short segment of this television show, there were many things which…

I remember, with great fondness and arousal, the first time one of my female Perd-verts chose to expose her reproductive organs to me in a public setting, when I was the keynote speaker at the grand opening of the Pawnee Plains Assisted Living Facility.

I remember, with great fondness and arousal, the first time one of my female Perd-verts chose to expose her reproductive organs to me in a public setting, when I was the keynote speaker at the grand opening of the Pawnee Plains Assisted Living Facility.

There have been several occasions on which I have seen a woman that I find physically attractive in a sexual way, and asked them if they, the woman, would have a meal consisting of food, served in a romantic setting, with me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley.  They are always charmed, and flattered that a famous…

There have been several occasions on which I have seen a woman that I find physically attractive in a sexual way, and asked them if they, the woman, would have a meal consisting of food, served in a romantic setting, with me, ManPretendingToBe Perd Hapley.  They are always charmed, and flattered that a famous…

My TelePrompTer, from which I read everything aloud, or, in this case, type, is telling me that "Newt Gingrich" is, in fact, a male person who at one time tried to become President of the United States.  I am unsure as to his importance, because nobody from his staff has contacted the producers of "Ya Heard? With…

My TelePrompTer, from which I read everything aloud, or, in this case, type, is telling me that "Newt Gingrich" is, in fact, a male person who at one time tried to become President of the United States.  I am unsure as to his importance, because nobody from his staff has contacted the producers of "Ya Heard? With…

I must say that my favorite radio program, when I listen to
radio, which is a television without a screen, is Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz.  As a busy actual television personality, I
don’t often have time to listen to as much music, which is harmonic sounds
produced by instruments played by people, often in groups called…

I must say that my favorite radio program, when I listen to
radio, which is a television without a screen, is Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz.  As a busy actual television personality, I
don’t often have time to listen to as much music, which is harmonic sounds
produced by instruments played by people, often in groups called…

My TelePrompTer, which is the device from which I read when speaking into a camera so it looks like I am talking directly to you, the viewer, or when responding by chat on the Internet so I don't have to look away from the screen at notes and lose my place, is telling me that this is a very funny reference to a moving…

My TelePrompTer, which is the device from which I read when speaking into a camera so it looks like I am talking directly to you, the viewer, or when responding by chat on the Internet so I don't have to look away from the screen at notes and lose my place, is telling me that this is a very funny reference to a moving…

II have disliked Councilman Jamm ever since I had him as a guest on my show, "Ya Heard? With: Perd!", and he turned out to be a mean dentist and not a jar of that delicious French four-berry jam with the white paper labels that I like so much for my toast when I eat breakfast, which my sources tell me is the first,…

II have disliked Councilman Jamm ever since I had him as a guest on my show, "Ya Heard? With: Perd!", and he turned out to be a mean dentist and not a jar of that delicious French four-berry jam with the white paper labels that I like so much for my toast when I eat breakfast, which my sources tell me is the first,…

I take it from Leslie Knope's response to that man who was old and looked like a lizard with a grey hairnet, that he was someone important. Since he is not one of the people that I meet on my show, or on my way to or from my show, or a book signing, which is where I sell copies of my book, "The Thing About Me Is, I'm…

I take it from Leslie Knope's response to that man who was old and looked like a lizard with a grey hairnet, that he was someone important. Since he is not one of the people that I meet on my show, or on my way to or from my show, or a book signing, which is where I sell copies of my book, "The Thing About Me Is, I'm…