"…all the pebbles on the movie’s big, goofy-looking rock monster of a bad guy."

IT'SBEENAWHILE

No need to pause what you're doing, you just pick an ear of corn, hollow it out…

I don't think the NRA has any interest in promoting super-intelligence.

Anywhere! You get it anywhere!

That's true, he is a tiger mom.

John Mulaney IS an old Jewish man who just happens to have a young Irish Catholic man's body.

Whaddaya think of the prank, you little shit?

What do you think, John Lennon of the Beatles?

Not very good swimmers though.

I hope he doesn't get blood on his tote.

"Bear down for midterms?" Too soon, man.

"SHE'S GONNA BLOW!"

"Now THIS is commenting!"

Nope. *taps chest* Pure. McDiarmid.

Yeah, his post-Force-lightning makeup looked really weird. Like, much worse than his makeup in ROTJ.

*winks at camera*

I know this comment is meant to be read in Bill Cosby's voice, but for some reason I heard the Futurama hyper-chicken's voice in my head. Either way, it's good.

My parents have a VHS tape of The Matrix, which they watched for the first time this year. When I asked them what they thought of it, my 72-year-old dad just said "They fire a lot of bullets in that movie but they almost never hit their target."

*cut to studio engineer's empty chair spinning slowly*