[John Lennon voice] Drums!

Glad to hear it.

Todd Glass, is that you?

29,816 upvotes for 6,067 comments.

Buddy, you can't just drop the phrase "some terrible pig experiences I had as a kid" and then not elaborate.

What the fuck is wrong with people that they would run over a turtle on purpose?

Like many commenters, I'm not thrilled about the AV Club's shift away from thoughtful, in-depth art and pop-culture essays in favor of "Great Job, Internet" and food-based articles. But this was genuinely interesting and well written, and answered a question I never realized I had always wondered about.

Am I turtle-y enough for the Turtle Club?

I'd love to check it out, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up with a U2 podcast because I don't know the band members' names.

A friend of mine tried to sell me on MBMBAM, and he wasn't doing a very good job, but after a while I said "Dude, you have good taste. Just tell me it's good and I'll check it out."

Good lord, yes. I watched The Passion of Joan of Arc with a friend of mine in a dark room, and when it was over I don't think either of us spoke or moved for 15 minutes.

I was gonna say Cum Town too. I feel like I need a disclaimer, that I dislike South Park and Family Guy and other "look how offensive we are!" comedy, but those three guys just click with me.

THIRD BASE!

In the meantime, why don't you entertain yourself with some royalty-free football?

Good touchdown celebration coming up…

Maybe?

Well ex-CUUUSE ME, princess!

Everyone knows JJ Abrams is the best at adding visual flare.

55 inches? Seems about right.

FIFTY THOUSAND DIDGERIDOOS!!!