Louis Gossett! Best role? Jaws 3.

Good lord, enough with the corporate pitch.

Go Louis! Killing it.

I suppose maybe Rylance was better and he's the kind of accomplished theater thespian that the Academy respects. But still…I feel bad for the big palooka!

UPSET OF THE NIGHT

I'm still laughing…ha ha ha!

And, here's Arquette to suck all the fun out of the room.

I kinda like that!

Her and Cate Blanchett are bringing the serious sexy tonight.

Kate with glasses. Well, now I'm in love again.

It would sure speed things up. More time for speeches and clips and montages…seriously. Those are the things people like…not this shit.

How can Fifty Shades of Gray be involved in this in anyway? What the actual fuck? Oh well, I guess the Oscars have been worse.

I feel so out of the loop that I didn't get it. I'm gonna have to research it later. All I know is that it was incredibly weird and awkward!

Olivia Munn kind of scared me a little bit there with her piercing, weird glare.

Hang in there, man, you can do it! We're here with you!

Damn, are these just "making up" awards because the Revanant will win BP? Or could Max really win it all?

LOUD NOISES

This guy is fucking serious!

Gossett was all like: Da fuck?

Oooooo…Chopra. Breathtaking.