Ugh.

Motherfucker! I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys!

1.) Switch Page and Plant's names in the first paragraph.

I don't really see the connection there, zedophile. While they were definitely no slouches in the debauchery department back in the day, I'm pretty sure the surviving members of Led Zep haven't ingested nearly half the chemicals that Ozzy has in his lifetime. The fact that he can do more than drool these days is…

White meat…dark meat…all will be carved.

My parents, who are both East Coast Liberal Elite types, fuckin looooooove Big & Rich for reasons myself and my sister will never understand. One time they tried to put on their cd when we were all in the car, and when my sister and I objected, my mom was like, "But that one song is so great! 'Why Does Everyone Wanna…

Pssh, she's no Barefoot Contessa. That's for damn sure.

I've managed to avoid Ke$ha somehow. Just gotta make it until the Mayan calendar is up…

You think "California Gurls" is bad…
You haven't heard her latest single, "Milk Milk Lemonade". The chorus literally goes "Milk Milk Lemonade/Around the back where chocolate's made". The first time I heard it I honestly thought it was a fake song that Jenna Moroney sings on "30 Rock", like "Muffin Top" or something…

Hey, Caldwell! Kenny Powers says good luck with your fucking career! I'm gonna break your arm! I have a knife!

"Kenny Powers?"
"Yeah, who are you?"
"Your father. Ha, just kidding, your father's dead."

No love for "Here's Where The Strings Come In"?! whuuuuuut?! "Detroit Has A Skyline"! C'mon, bros!

I echo the love for Look Around You, especially the first season.

If there's one thing I hate, it's losing. If there's two things I hate, it's losing, and getting cancer.

You failed in your firstie attempt? Fuck you, pay me.

The Beach Boys, "Don't Hurt My Little Sister"
Off of "Today!" Quite the underrated little tune, from before Brian Wilson went full wacko for a few decades.

You could probably put a couple Xiu Xiu songs on this list, and they would all make the rest of these songs sound like The Lovin' Spoonful.

That's nice, but is Ricky Springfield a BUDDY of yours?

If they ever make a film about The Jesus Lizard
Cooper could totally play David Yow. I'd pay big bucks to see that.

I like how once you get older you realize that Doug is a borderline paranoid schizophrenic. That bald sweater vest-wearing weirdo had some major issues, man.