"Dude…that didn't sound like 'Satisfaction'"

ZEKE THE PLUMBER
From the Nickelodeon classic "Salute Your Shorts".

Mulholland Dr.

Heaven's Gate happened in third grade, and all those shots on the news of those people with black Nike's and purple blankets over their heads really disturbed me. Thank goodness I had no idea what castration was at that age, or else I would've been REALLY upset.

Fire In The Sky! My friends and I still send each other into convulsions by saying, "Spaaaaace suuuuuits!"

Wrong Indy Flick, but while we're on Last Crusade, I could never watch the scene where Walter Donovan drinks from the wrong grail and ages gruesomely in like 30 seconds when I was a little kid. I had a serious fear of mummies and skeletons (probably from that one scene where those mummies fall all over Indy and Marion…

Ghosts were without a doubt my number one fear. But then my dorm freshman year of college was actually haunted (it was a school for the deaf, dumb and blind back in the Civil War era), and I had a number of paranormal experiences. Doors opening and closing on their own, lights turning on and off, my roommate claimed…

The ones that took place in Summer Camp always got to me as a kid, because it's like, where do you turn once you realize things are fucked? Your parents aren't around, no cops, and those conspiracies always went STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

I'm with you on the creepy basement. Ours looks like Buffalo Bill's hideout. That scene in "Home Alone" with the basement scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.

Requiem For A Dream made me afraid to go Ass to Ass. Before that I was all about it.

I guess I would be in a mental institution too if my mother tricked me into fucking her while my dad was on a business trip.

Call me Ishmael.

He's also the Snuggler. He snuggles you.

BITCHES LEAVE!

Heartbreakerrrrrr! Risk-takerrrrrrr! Shoe-maker, won't you fix my shoes for free?!

ROOOOOBOOOOT HOOOOOOUSE!!!

Even when Ellen Page talks in real life, it sounds as though the words coming out of her mouth were written by Diablo Cody. Which is…unfortunate, to say the least.

I definitely feel like the first two hours of "Mulholland Dr." is a dream sequence. The other plausible theory I've heard is that the first two hours is Betty's masturbation fantasy from that one infamous scene. I just can't believe that, because, honestly, who has masturbation fantasies that are that complicated and…

The first Miles album I ever got into was "On The Corner", so I guess I'm just too fucking avant-garde for all y'all.

One of my close friends had a roommate freshman year of college, this incredibly wimpy, passive-aggressive dork who always told on him to the R.A.s for drinking and smoking weed and stuff, and had an ugly nightmare girlfriend but wouldn't fuck her because he was "saving himself for marriage". just a real human…