Troy: The last thing I said to him was 'Suck it.
Britta: Me too.

I am spending a lot of money on breakaway clothing.
Troy

As soon as we touch, the blinds will open, and six annoying but lovable misfits will be staring at us.
Jeff

Can't I be the friend in the group whose trademark is his
well-defined boundaries like Privacy Smurf, Discrete Bear or
Confidentiality Spice?
Jeff

Annie: I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimawow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conundrum.
Abed: Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.
Troy

Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't…
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money…

Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.

Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.

Britta: Then you move to Vermont…
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.

Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.

Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion
is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away
from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.

Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are
moving on…. except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic
effect, will be seing me next semester.
Annie: Nooooo!
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our…

"Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease."
Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

am a man who can never die! And this has been your first taste of Spanish one-oh-dos, the semester I get inside your cabezas.
Chang

The text message was sent exclusively to black students, and one French kid named LeBron.
Annie

Jeff: Just this morning as I was shaving while listening to some Jay-Z, I was thinking about going for a gallop.
Secretary: Do you own a horse?
Jeff: Can you ever really own a horse?

Troy: That's it, we're arm wrestling.
Abed: Like Stallone in Over the Top? I'm not sure about the rules, don't I need a semi truck and a ten year old son?

Pierce: At some point a man stops looking for a place to hang his underwear and starts looking for a place to hang his hat.
Jeff: I'm sorry I was waiting for that to become inappropriate or racist.