I'm here.

I'm just a fella. A fella who thinks beer should be cold and boots should be dusty. I think 9/11 was bad. And freedom? well I think that's just a little bit better.

We know that he hates money. Or loves it. Or doesn't care about money and hates butts. Or loves them.
-Britta

This spot is reserved for news regarding my surely upcoming awards and accolades for putting us over the 40,000 hump. Thank you, thank you.

Why did I do it?… I did it for Johnny!!!

I can't count the reasons I should stay…
One by one they all just fade away.

40,000!

This place is twenty cat turds and a Pixies poster away from being your apartment.

I can't think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish,
half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or another, that ends with an
explosion.
-Pierce

You’re VH1, Robocop 2, Back to the Future 3. You’re
the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds
delicious. I’m the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You’re Jim
Belushi.” — Evil Abed tells Britta she’s mediocre

There's also going to be a game of paintball assassin, with a prize
for last man standing. Or last man in a wheelchair with no paint on him.
-Dean Pelton

Troy: I think I'm failing psychopharmacology.
Britta: Why are you taking that?
Troy: I thought it was a class about crazy farm animals.

Troy: He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere.
Shirley: We get it! You named your monkey Annie's Boobs.

Pierce: abed, Your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff. you're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase, streets ahead
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted.

Dean: Do you know who might have stolen a box of hair nets from the kitchen?
Abed: Someone with hair.
Dean: I'm gonna write that down

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh good, come in. I thought it was Britta.
-Britta

Jeff: Why do you have a monkey?
Troy: It's an animal that looks like a dude. Why don't I have 10 of them?

If God were edible - not that I'm Catholic - but if it was cool to eat God, he'd be a chicken finger.
-Troy

Have a family, share your life. That and learning computers are two things you just can't knock out at the end.
-Pierce

Shirley: I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating
profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
Troy: A black person on a sailboat? I gotta see this. I'm in.