If I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book on a piece of paper, that's practically learning for God's sake
- Jeff

Well, it's official—it's on a banner.
Jeff

Britta: I'm not gonna sit while some hokey tribunal gets its jollies judging me.
Jeff: Hey, if you show up with me, follow my lead, and deny everything, you'll walk. That's the Winger guarantee.
Britta: I get it. You think you're gonna save my bacon using your lawyer powers and send me into fits of grateful arousal.
Jeff:…

Britta: I was a little too harsh on you, I'm not perfect
Jeff: I am, I'd be happy to show you the ropes

Senor Chang: Why are there costumes? These are supposed to be short conversations, they're not supposed to…
Jeff: Take your breath away?

Britta: That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. Which I
guess makes being a part of it a pretty selfless, so I'm impressed
Jeff: How do you know I didn't do it just to get another shot with you?
Britta:
Cause a smart man like you would know that no woman in that class would
be able to look at you as a…

Britta: When's the graduation ceremony?
Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you.

Jeff, you do this thing with your face when you're trying to be funny that
forces people to think about how cool you are. It's very distracting.
- Pierce

Hey Abed, real stories — they don't have spoilers. You understand that TV and life are different, right?
-Britta

Jeff! It's bad luck to see the graduation before the graduation!
- Annie

Shirley: Pierce has always been on my watch list.
Troy: That dude is crazy. He told me girls have two pee holes

oh I'm serious baby, I'm yahoo! serious.
I'm serious FM. Welcome to the world series of seriousness sponsored by
honey nut seri-Os.
- Jeff

If loving worms is stupid, then don't want to be smart!
- Britta

I know what an analogy is, it is a thought, with another thought's hat on.
- Britta

You know what they say, fives have lives,
fours have chores, threes have fleas, twos have blues and one don't get a
rhyme because their garbage.
- Dean

When I was 30, people used to wish I was dead to my face. That's called respect!
- Pierce

I don't have an ego, my Facebook picture's a landscape!
- Jeff

I'm an exceptional narcissist
- Jeff

9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel market
-Abed

Our first assignment is a documentary, they're like real movies but with ugly people
Abed