Why couldn't the eagles just carry Frodo to Mt. Doom and never personally touch the ring? Even if they were tempted they'd be tempted for way less time flying than Boromir was walking, and we saw how that plan worked out.

That book lost me around there because Stephenson failed to grasp the truth about MMO game play. Players claim to want maximized realism, but actually hate it. They claim to hate treadmills, but actually love Skinner boxes the way everyone loves pizza. Spending a ton of money and effort on a virtual perfect world…

*readies Le Grande Cigar*

Also Shelob is a clear violation of the square-cube law. Sheesh, these authors I tell ya.

So is that like a really bad Robyn album? I know I hadn't really heard of her before Call Your Girlfriend and Dancing On My Own, so I can't say, but those were solid. Oh, is it basically her Y Cant Tori Read?

100% Song of the South. It's not like it's hidden away by a spell in a chained up book. It's just a racist-ass film. Lord knows I can go watch a bunch of other racist shit from the era should I wish to.

Yeah, if I can't fire it up and watch all of Quack Pack then Darby O'Gill and the Little People they ain't getting my money. The only way this works is if it means the Vault dies.

I'd potentially be up for a Disney streaming service if it was SUPER COMPREHENSIVE. If it's still all fuckin' coy and like "we have one Marvel movie right now" and "You can't watch The Black Cauldron because it's in the Vauuuult" then yeah, they can go fuck themselves.

Yeah, it'll probably go all milkshake duck in a few days. We'll get the article where the mea culpa is a little blamey and is all "It may not have actually happened, but the message is the important part."

I remember noticing that huge chunks of Boromir's outfit were made out of sari material and being so happy.

It's not the mazelike layout or the silly lighting that drives me insane, it's the amblers. People that have apparently decided to move through the store at the same speed at which they'd mill about in agony while in hell. I don't know how people even walk that slow.

Izzy is also my cat's name. Good thing she's like 10 so people aren't going to start if she's named after the show cat.

No no, he's got it. Dead wife, higher power, mysterious works, all mastered.

Oh well it's the plot of Jingle All The Way. Arnold and Sinbad both want this action figure that's all sold out for their respective kids for Christmas, and they get into hijinks. Arnold learns a lesson about spending less time being some sort of fabric magnate along the way, and a reindeer bites his butt.

I always feel like it must be super disappointing for Day Lewis when he does those apprenticeship things and realizes that jobs are just fuckin' boring and there aren't a lot of opportunities for slow smoldering zooms on his mustache while the violin music gets more intense.

Or like they realize it when they see the depths that Sinbad will sink to in order to get a Turboman doll, even though we never see Sinbad's kid in that movie. Does he even have a kid? Maybe he just wants a Turboman doll really bad.

That Mr. Popper's Penguins movie shit where the coda of the film is "Oh, I quit my job because I'm so rich that I don't need to work! I'm a good dad, kids!" and dads in the audience are like "aw fuck this is gonna make me look like shit isn't it."

This sounds like it's gonna be Ralph Macchio: Business Dad. You know business dad movies, where dads that business too much learn to stop businessing for a bit so they can dad more, and at the end of the thing they don't have to business at all because they're so busy dadding? And the audience is like "Wait, who's…

Kinda like how after winning some huge world championship in the 2nd Mighty Ducks, the big villain in the 3rd one is like a crosstown high school team.

"Hell, he’d apprentice himself under a Florentine dog-wanker for years before shooting just to perfect his technique."