50 New Ways to Please Your Man and Make Your Baby Racist

I liked Newsweek back in the early 2000's. I thought the lay-out and most of the writing was better than Time back then.

I liked Newsweek back in the early 2000's. I thought the lay-out and most of the writing was better than Time back then.

The magazine even included knitting patterns for white, pointed hooded onesies.

The magazine even included knitting patterns for white, pointed hooded onesies.

In Newsweek's defense, my baby is totally racist.

In Newsweek's defense, my baby is totally racist.

@kendynamo: She's like the black, gay kid at the Young Republicans meeting.

@kendynamo: She's like the black, gay kid at the Young Republicans meeting.

Every season, they wheel her out to contribute ideas for new challenges. She generally says nothing, so the producers just do what they always do.

Every season, they wheel her out to contribute ideas for new challenges. She generally says nothing, so the producers just do what they always do.

Yeah. I feel like a female chauvinist pig tuning in every week just to drool at him.

Yeah. I feel like a female chauvinist pig tuning in every week just to drool at him.

Just like my mom used to make. But back then, she had to make her electronic cigarettes from scratch. None of this store bought, pre-packaged hootenanny!

Just like my mom used to make. But back then, she had to make her electronic cigarettes from scratch. None of this store bought, pre-packaged hootenanny!

Or suggest that Amelie probably smells like a combination of dryer sheets and crisp fall leaves…

Or suggest that Amelie probably smells like a combination of dryer sheets and crisp fall leaves…

I blame Glee for Ryan Murphy's ridiculous idea that his shows are full of Important Ideas. Popular, Nip/Tuck, and AHS were/are lots of batshit crazy fun, and Murphy's self-important blathering only detracts from that.

I blame Glee for Ryan Murphy's ridiculous idea that his shows are full of Important Ideas. Popular, Nip/Tuck, and AHS were/are lots of batshit crazy fun, and Murphy's self-important blathering only detracts from that.

Imperial Chocolate Pumpkin Porter sounds amazing, and I don't even drink beer. I should probably never try it, so I don't gain the weight back from my "Chocolate Coconut Fraps sound amazing, and I don't even drink coffee" days.