The problem is that The Bible doesn't have a unified narrative other than "do what God says or bad things will happen".  I've read it straight through, and it's 75% boring as fuck, 15% batshit insane, and maybe 10% interesting.

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"That kid was such a douche!" - Alan Fullgirth

"That kid was such a douche!" - Alan Fullgirth

Watch your motherfucking language, motherfucker!  There's goddamn children present, FUCK!

Watch your motherfucking language, motherfucker!  There's goddamn children present, FUCK!

I am laughing, but can't bring myself to like this.

I am laughing, but can't bring myself to like this.

He promised "A footlong sub in every fridge!  If you have a fridge, anyway.  Otherwise you can eat oatmeal and boiled shoes like everyone else."

He promised "A footlong sub in every fridge!  If you have a fridge, anyway.  Otherwise you can eat oatmeal and boiled shoes like everyone else."

More Than One But Less Than Three Males, One Female And An Italian Meat-Topped Circular Breadpan Restaurant

More Than One But Less Than Three Males, One Female And An Italian Meat-Topped Circular Breadpan Restaurant

I KNOW, RIGHT?

I KNOW, RIGHT?

Laughter is what I do when comedy is occurring!  Right?

Laughter is what I do when comedy is occurring!  Right?

PLACE!  PIZZA PLACE!

PLACE!  PIZZA PLACE!

Please!  His pay isn't like a dumptruck, it's more like a series of tubes!