Which is what we look for in actors. Poise during awards presentation.

"I wish I was taller"

I was thinking Magic Eye book and shrine to Connie Chung. Plus, the whole place smells like sprouts for some reason.

It's just that he likes everything just so, while she's spontaneous and has like a funny dog or something. So while he's meticulously organizing his state capitals pencil collection, she might decide that it's time to practice the accordion. Uh oh! It's trouble in Twee Town!  

"Is someone cooking burritos in here?"

I feel sad for her. THIS IS WHAT SADNESS LOOKS LIKE

Inverted tweeness.

Oh, that was for entertainment purposes only… I gotta make some calls.

Invest in Bunnicula bucks!

I dunno, I put all money into Critters and here I am dolphin hunting on my diamond yacht without a care in the world.

They're all named "Ronald" after the clown that abused me as a child.

Maybe they're rightly concerned about prions.

He looks like a mummified baboon.

Rape, lobotomy, torture, and murder are all bad things, but acceptable on the battlefield. Cannibalism is not.

And he shorted out the electric chair at Sing Sing because of all the needles stuck in his taint. CLASSIC ALBERT FISH PRANK.

You assume Bourdain ISN'T a cannibal? I don't see it.

I prefer to think of him as an old electrified pin cushion.

Of course. Duh. It's all in the Bible, I imagine. Probably right by where it says it's icky for dudes to get married.

Why do Buddhists get a free pass? They're just as filthy and degenerate as any of the other dirt peoples.

I'm working on my own ultra-right wing Christian action movie. It's about a sub-machine gun on a crucifix named Second Amendment Jesus that goes around killing demons called Nuslims because, uh, that's what God wants. Or something. It's a small detail really.
Like this new "Left Behind" movie, my movie is also too…