Whoa, I'm seeing double here… four James Cameron Newswires in one day!

It looks like the Stewart-lobster is in a Taco Bell rest room. Do lobsters even poop??

The AV Club?

That's awesome.

I despaired a bunch over all the bad things happening in the world, then ate a bunch of asparagus so my pee is still green. Translation: awesome weekend.

*giggles and claps*

*Insert obligatory Heisenberg joke*

I'd recommend The A.V. Club for Dummies by I.M. Snarkowski. Illustrations by Yucan Drawit.

The names in this trilogy are comically awful and, for some reason, make the whole thing even more unbelievable. The use of first names is also pretty annoying. Fear the terrifying… Jeanine! If she doesn't inject you with serum, she might just knit you an adorable quilt.

My mistake. It's best to just pick a car driven by an elderly person and pogo on its roof.

No, you walk against traffic, run across traffic, bike with traffic, ride your horse atop traffic, and skip rope with gleeful recklessness directly on the yellow line.

Packing on the pounds from drinking too much Novanian grog, amirite??!?

Tell me about it. I need Byzantine lighting and 4D to be even remotely entertained these days.

If you are talking about Cthulhu, yes. If not, maybe.

Some of these puns are pretty fowl.

This tour is so earth-centric I literally barfed up my chechtlhutlh.

I can always count on A.V. Club to have the freshest whale humor on the internets.

The Milli Vanilli Stage Company of Lincoln, Nebraska issues you a curt Good day, sir.

I said I was sorry!!!!! Del Monte is the Rolex of canned corn, with their bulbous red, gold-lined logo, with the pointy tip…

Newman!