I used to covet my neighbor's oxen, but two of them drown trying to ford the Columbia River. Now I mostly just feel like a jerk.

Cera has directed on a smaller scale. As part of Jash he directed the internet short (read Youtube video) "Brazzaville Teen-Ager", which was honestly delightful. http://www.youtube.com/watc…

I’m also going to try to see more movies in theaters. I saw at one, or at most two, movies in theaters last year (I actually can’t remember - one was the Hobbit and the other must have been terrible).

You’re exactly right, @avclub-e02f170d9031d2f84fefd2f59c16a285:disqus - the A.V. Club is a creative outlet for a lot of amazing commenters. The exchanges that happen on this site every day make me laugh my ass off with great regularity. It’s like a sitcom, or a Laurel and Hardy routine, where I get to occasionally…

For me, if anything on the internet even hints at it… then Q.E.D.

He’s also considering using people wearing monkey clothes (think tiny vest, holding an accordion).

Hahaha! Stupid people; I get it now.

Okay, but here’s the thing I don’t get about this: everything.

He records Jeopardy! Get him everybody! *pulls Jay S.'s underwear over his head*

The Professor becomes increasingly reclusive and takes to collecting coconuts full of his own urine.

The font in that image makes me want to (acquire and) put on a smoking jacket, light up a cigar, and turn on Leave it to Beaver.

I once watched a movie featuring Adam Sandler. True story.

That's crazy talk. America was just really busy this weekend with, you know, stuff and crap. Maybe we'll see it next weekend. Unless, you know, other stuff comes up.

I, too, greatly desire huuuuge tracts of land.

Family discord? THANKS OBAMA!

If he was really a commie, he wouldn't have taken more than he needed to start with. At least that's what grandma says.

You might not get that, but thank goodness there can be dry-humping.

Try Overstock.com. Look under the “gross stuff” tab. In other words, the home page.

I'm in de-nile that this is happening.

Nathan Lane always seems to have a look that says, "I'm sorry, but I just farted in the punch bowl".