That's ridiculous.  I designed the weather machine to project a big, happy smiley face on the sun, not to steer hurricanes.

Some… old guys! #unnecessaryhashtag

Some… old guys! #unnecessaryhashtag

Is War and Peace one of the books you're holding?  I'll just take that… I've been meaning to get around to something besides Instruction Manuals for Products I Don't Own.

Is War and Peace one of the books you're holding?  I'll just take that… I've been meaning to get around to something besides Instruction Manuals for Products I Don't Own.

What is this, 1995?  Get a flatscreen display, and wireless mouse and keyboard. They look much classier next to toilets.

What is this, 1995?  Get a flatscreen display, and wireless mouse and keyboard. They look much classier next to toilets.

Get ready to cringe
Romney/Ryan 2012

Get ready to cringe
Romney/Ryan 2012

[runs crying from room]

[runs crying from room]

Meat Loaf leaves lots of leftovers.  OR SHOULD I SAY RIGHT-OVERS?

Meat Loaf leaves lots of leftovers.  OR SHOULD I SAY RIGHT-OVERS?

If there are not at least three Beren and Lúthien references during the film, I will pee in the seat during the credits just to spite the film industry.

If there are not at least three Beren and Lúthien references during the film, I will pee in the seat during the credits just to spite the film industry.

That picture is the guy from Criminal Minds, right?

That picture is the guy from Criminal Minds, right?

According to my iPhone, Mo Rocca is directly east of Persia, and has no public transportation of any kind.

According to my iPhone, Mo Rocca is directly east of Persia, and has no public transportation of any kind.

Google can't tell me what this reference is. [freaks out]