What you Unrepentantly described was not a checkmate.

Ecclesiastes told it best. He was a good man, and thorough.

Hysterical Crackheads: The Movie, you'll never need to buy another movie about Christmas cos this one has all the maniacally grinning, stupid sweater wearing, fake tanned, white toothed, dyed blonde, cat expoding, actor degrading, dog-humping-leg, baby puking craptastic happiness your whole fucked up family will love.

Damn lazy cetaceans hogging the beach like that

Socialist Christmas trees make sure everybody gets their own little ornament. Capitalist Christmas trees give a few big sparkly ornaments to a few people, rotten imitations to a few others, and everybody else gets jipped. Is that how socio-economic tree theory works?

Add some dialogue and an A-list star willing to go full monty and it's a winner. Looking forward to seeing you stride smugly down the red carpet at Cannes, Mr Lone Audience.

Ms Cruz without a bottom yet still able to fart? Maybe in another life, when we are all cats.

When you wish upon an inflated sack…

'pig dog' from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. I added 'flaming capitalist' from my very own brain, but might be subconsciously referencing something else.

It's called Botox

I thought it was an ad for prozac and airbrushing

John the lowly revelator

DPS afflicts one out of four women. Just one dollar a day can provide adequate food and reasonably priced shoes to aid in their recovery. Please pledge your support now.

Flaming capitalist pig dogs?

Little girls fantasize about being little girls, hence Disney princesses look as girlish as possible, and Disney princes are equally as sexually non-threatening

She ends up eating his conspicuously inflated sack.

The daring part was that Disney put a fat woman on screen who was not an evil octopus, an evil step-mother, or a laughable spinster who's only happiness in life is living vicariously through a her thinner, more successful friend.

I love it when a plan goes kaflooey.

Skeet Skroog

Only if the laptop is firm but gentle