They don't carry poo in their mouths, they squat over the edge of the nest.

I thought the second guy in the photo with Norm might be Flounder from Animal House. But it isn't.

When Bob Saget smiles that weird, smarmy deer-in-headlights grin, it's almost as if you can hear him screaming inside, 'Please God, someone please put me out of my misery!' But not in a funny way. More in a bland, wholesome and utterly forgetable way. That's what's sad about it.

[blushes; coyly tosses long flowing heathen mane]

Aquanet is a prerequisite for a fundamentalist lifestyle. People with long, free flowing locks are nothing but fornicating heathens.

If it's on regional BBC it would be, 'Wot Like You'd Do, Like Cos You Should, Innit?'

I don't believe you, Floor. I don't believe junior year (high schoolers) have ironic obsessions. They have obsessions, end of story. Just admit you belonged to a John Stossel cult. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, kid.

I leave the AvClub for 2 days and this is what I return to? Self-inflicted zings, self-inflicted failed firsties, and rampant boneitis?

Speaking of watchable crap, I saw The Eyes of Laura Mars on tv late last night. It's a cheesy 70s psychobabble thriller with Faye Dunaway (at her hysterical best), a young smooth faced Tommy Lee Jones, Raul Julia, Rene Auberjonois (for DS9 geeks) as a gay fashion industry type, and Brad Dourif. I guessed the twist…

Don't know if you were first, bradley, but I recall a troll called CancerAIDS that appeared on a couple different threads a while back who claimed to have been diagnosed with said diseases that same day. He was greeted with heartfelt condolences and ridicule. His disease was quickly wished upon others.

I had a dream last night about the guy who plays Draco's father from Harry Potter, can't remember the character's name but the actor is Jason Isaacs. I'm in a theatre waiting for a play to start. In the seat beside me is a woman supposedly his wife but looks more like a British version of Kathy Bates; he is in the row…

@logoboros: I'm probably too late to the table, but Wilde's argument is essentially given the novel treatment in Main Street by Sinclair Lewis.

One of the Hebrew terms for God translates as "the big breasted one" or "god of breasts". I forget which term, El Shaddai maybe? Anyway, God has and/or enjoys big breasts.

No, the first part is apparently true. But WHY? He looks like an electrocuted rat.

The Larry ads have crashed my browser 3 times today. Damn you Larry and your bloated redneck graphics! Your target audience doesn't even own computers anyway—and they certainly don't hang out on the AVClub! Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework? Answer me, Larry!

No one can figure out exactly why you're famous. Care to comment?

Can AVClub please take down the Larry Roast ads now? They keep crashing my computer.

JVS, much funnier.

@aeonopolis: The unfortunate answer would be the primordial Eve.

Back in the day the only way to make quirk was by using all fresh ingredients sprinkled with genius. But who needs to bother with that old fashioned way of doing things now we have Quirk-in-a-Can?