You should replace those friends.

Well, yeah, you've been banned for a long time.

I would leave any restaurant that put "EVOO" on the menu.

3 years from now: "I say Papa, this caviar is ROOM TEMPERATURE. I shan't eat it!"

Ooh, everybody look at the big guy over here who got to eat as a kid!

Shit. I believe everything I read on Facebook.

Jesus Christ. You piss on an underage girl once. Wait, no. Jesus Christ, you piss on hundreds of underage girls and film it once. No, that's not it. Jesus Christ, you film yourself pissing on hundreds of underage girls and somebody finds ONE tape, and suddenly it's: "oh, you're a monster, oh! You abuse women! …

Fascinating.

I hate you, internet.

Motherfucker.

I remember when Operation Condor came out, one commercial had a scene where an evil henchman says "had enough?", and Jackie Chan responds: "HAHAHAHAHAHA! NO." And it wasn't in the movie. I saw it in the theater. Pissed me off…

It is you were right.

Least surprising story ever?

"Do… …watch this film."

Pearls.

lol wut.

Sweet, beefy, irony, irony!

And then it happened: the lug nut budged.

Nat Faxon sounds like an old-timey baseball name.

What I'm watching: Poirot.