You know, you hate to see anyone get injured unless it happens to a really good player on the opposing team and takes them out of the game.

Okay, yeah, sure, this news is sad, but the REAL tragedy…

You still can't use the c-word. I checked.

Not quite, it's German for Salmon Rushthe.

'I slept with you and now I feel a burning ring of fire when I defecate.'

Cash Truck: the truck that deposits.

*alarm sounds; warning lights flash*

Tell Joe Buck to stop shouting,

"I apologize for saying something, that, just over six months ago, would have seemed scandalously crude and inappropriate, but which, now, is nowhere near even sinking to the level of the current president's own statements nor those of his staff."

Oh yeah, I had eggs for breakfast.

YES, THE TOUR DE FRANCE HAS BECOME FAMOUS FOR RAMPANT DRUG USE, INCLUDING IN LANCE ARMSTRONG'S RUN OF CHAMPIONSHIPS. THAT IS WHAT WE ARE SPOOFING IN THIS MOVIE. IT IS VERY FUNNY.

The rest is history. Tragicomic, why-couldn’t-you-jack-off-to-Pornhub-like-a-normal-fucking-person-Anthony-Weiner, your-dick-is-like-a-goddamn-chaos-butterfly history.

Survivors? How many people died?

Great. I suppose, in some moment of clarity, someone will look at his latest misdeed and say: "you're the REAL king of the monsters."

I'm so wasted right now you guys.

Poop joke!

Dick joke!

Logs… let's see. Poop jokes or dick jokes? Hmmm.

Okay, but he's been out of ideas since 2005.

Wait, wait, what about this: tits and…