Mr. President? Uh, your 5:00 is here.

Every part of this story is what's wrong with America.

Shut up Siri.

All they did was take away the fucking USB port! Why the fuck would I pay more for a pizza box that's more difficult to use!

Seems more like a line.

Excessive girth. Not hotdog!

Some words of advice: do not go down the rabbit-hole.

I FAAAAAART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!

Downvoted.

Will you be my friend? I would like to hear more about this, and possibly, other musics that you hate.

Ya ever fucked two chicks at the same time?

Stephen Fry? Holy shit!

The smartphone has really changed my life. Now I can post on the AVClub from the couch, the bathroom, the dining room table, the bed, anywhere!

Here I thought we were making cakes out of trolls. "When life hands you trolls…" This is much less illegal.

So does that mean her hip hop phase is over? Damn. She was so good at the hip hop.

Elusive job, internet!

The Dough Also Rises.

Just like civil rights, my healthcare only works when other people's doesn't. What's the point of even HAVING healthcare if everyone else gets it too?!?!

Just like me!

*gets eaten by gnats*