Are you new to America? Or earth?

My mom is better than your mom and your dad too.

I'm so happy that I don't recognize most of these.

No thanks, Obama.

Drill baby drill!

Masculine Woman

Not sure I agree. You know who's a thug? Richie Incognito.

"Yes, I'll have the adult."

I have the solution to climate change: STOP HAVING BABIES.

It's funny, because Lynch hasn't learned that the way to get the media to leave you alone is to just rotate through two or three generic answers.

I don't have the energy to first anymore.

Jesus Christ stop posting these fucking things.

Still a great fucking song. Listen up millennial bastards: Paul Simon knew how to tell a fucking story when he was your age. The man is a goddamn national treasure.

What's new pussycat? Whoa, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa, ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa!

"Ascension of tones"

Playsterbation

But of course this is designed to attract like-minded customers, no?

Sploosh?

I've got a two-hander in my pants.

How would you like to gauge my balls?