By the time "Vampires Suck" made its way into theaters, I had recurring dreams about tracking down Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (who are rarely photographed and don't give interviews for a reason) and strangling them for being the cinematic bottom-feeders that they are. My brother ended up seeing it, and he liked…

By the time "Vampires Suck" made its way into theaters, I had recurring dreams about tracking down Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (who are rarely photographed and don't give interviews for a reason) and strangling them for being the cinematic bottom-feeders that they are. My brother ended up seeing it, and he liked…

Wow, so whatever became of Mookie? One thing I remember from Do the Right Thing was that he was a terrible, terrible employee at that pizza joint.

Wow, so whatever became of Mookie? One thing I remember from Do the Right Thing was that he was a terrible, terrible employee at that pizza joint.

I think his ability to get any woman to sleep with him might make him some sort of satyr faerie.

I think his ability to get any woman to sleep with him might make him some sort of satyr faerie.

VHS? What is this, 1990?

VHS? What is this, 1990?

I think the official rule for male frontal nudity is that the penis can be shown as long as it's not erect. Sex scenes require what can't be shown.

I think the official rule for male frontal nudity is that the penis can be shown as long as it's not erect. Sex scenes require what can't be shown.

I know Hoyt and his mom aren't on the best of terms, but I doubt she'd let him get eaten by pigs.

I know Hoyt and his mom aren't on the best of terms, but I doubt she'd let him get eaten by pigs.

I'm going through The Sopranos now, and Robert Patrick plays a degenerate gambler on that show too. He should definitely be HBO's go-to guy when they need that type.

I'm going through The Sopranos now, and Robert Patrick plays a degenerate gambler on that show too. He should definitely be HBO's go-to guy when they need that type.

When I was a Nintendo-loving 13-year-old, I was so psyched about the "Super Mario Bros." movie that I will continue to defend it to this day.

When I was a Nintendo-loving 13-year-old, I was so psyched about the "Super Mario Bros." movie that I will continue to defend it to this day.

Well he did also do Captain America. Also Jurassic Park 3, which I like because it's 85 minutes long and doesn't waste a second.

Well he did also do Captain America. Also Jurassic Park 3, which I like because it's 85 minutes long and doesn't waste a second.

I remember Problem Child 2 opened in July 1991 on the same day as another sequel, Terminator 2.

I remember Problem Child 2 opened in July 1991 on the same day as another sequel, Terminator 2.