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You just ruined my streak of 1000 days of not remembering Dave Foley existed.  Damn you for that.

ED TV> Truman Show.

I just googled "great dane penis" and you are fucking right.  Although my fore arms are probably buffer than that, though not as red (me tan, me no sunburn).  I'd still only pay to see her get DPd by Great Danes, nothing less.

Dog penis is fucking tiny.  She'd have to be fucking the dog with a strap on or 69ing it.  Dog lapping her v-j-j and she blowing the dog.  But forget dog on vag penetration.

Demi Moore looked downright sickly in Margin Call.  Frailer than Kirk Douglas.  No wonder Ashton kicked her to the curb.  Oh well.  I'll always have Charlie's Angels 2 as my sole example of a 40+ y/o chick looking fine as hell.

That's some communist thinking right there.  Better adjust for a more competitve market than fucking Gone with the Wind faced.

Wrong again. 2 sucked, 1 and 3 kicked fucking ass.

Worse one liner of the year.  Thanks for playing.

I tried looking up RagingBear's sex life and it was a picture of a waste basket brimming with discarded tissues.  Gross.

This is the United States of America, not jolly Olde Englande.  Nobody I know uses the Oxford Dictionary.

As long as Pitchfork keeps plugging them, hipsters on the internet will keep acting like they matter.  They don't.  Everyone I know who is fit and attractive has never even heard of them.

I showed Bridesmaids to my parents over Thanksgiving.  My father thought it was a "dirty movie" and my mom didn't find it empowering for women like I hoped.  I have thus revised my assessment of it way downwards.  Seriously, FUCK that movie.

If you spent the last 3 years playing video games and fapping to porntube, then yeah, they must have gone by awful fast.

That franchise is spinning its f**king wheels. San Andreas was ten years ago and it's done nothing to improve on that game.  Now it's all about SKYRIM, BITCHES.

He released 2 singles from it last year.  They both bombed.  He freaked out, knowing the album would bomb too if released.  It never will be.

You can't remember 2000?  So that makes you what, 14?  Go get laid or play sports.  Get the f**k off the internet.  You're only young once.

When was the last time you saw Andy Griffith in a movie?

Yeah, uh, I knew this was going to fucking suck as soon as I saw the teaser back in October.  Meryl Streep was decent as the devil wears prada but now she's too fucking old to play old.  What's next?  a barbara bush biopic?

Calvinist-Hobbesian it means an enormous amount.  It's not literally a reference to actual human shit.  In this context it means I have literally hundreds of people in my fone who could attest to their high opinion of me.  Some of them are quite wealthy and some of them are actually famous.  Some of them are just…