Hooray! Roman showers for everyone!

I will only read novelizations of games inspired by novels when they're translated into Klingon.

In restuarants it's called "the tail".

You kids with your Twatters, Facespaces and Miracle Whippings. Back in my day all you needed to do to assert yourself as a douche-bag was wear a blazer with an ascot and make fun of the kids at the "poor camp".

You've been upgraded from 250 ft. to 500 ft.

Rockin' Water Polo?

These are probably the same patheic people that wanted their boyfiends to put on body glitter after a cold shower to get that 'Edward' like effect.

After he's thrust his groin into your bow, he'll scream "I'm king of the world!"

That's how Heath Ledger broke Jake Gyllenhaal.

First you cut a hole in the box.

I like to keep this handy.

I'm begging for a re-make of the Sally Fields classic 'Not Without My Daughter'

I throw nickles at bums and make them dance.

you only winged him. Now he's a Unitarian.

Jesus raped my pony because he thought it was cute.

6 fucking bullets and yet we still have Yoko.

You know, if St. Pete can do it 3 times and wind up the door-man, I'm sure a little girl can do it once and be okay.

When are they getting to the fireworks factory?

Any god who would let Stephen Baldwin reproduce is not worth worshiping.

It's the old Domino's Pizza of comedy.