Look at Mr. Mathlete over here!

Whoa! Too far.

Me too. It got expensive! I had to give up hummus.

Personally, I get the impression that comedians spend most of their time complaining about other comedians stealing their jokes.

"Vagina"

10 to 1 there're no lenses in those glasses.

I'm pissed at them for stealing… my heart

"American Women are so complicated."

It's the gentleman's "sucks"

Having bought this album used for $5, my mind rebels against dropping $150 for it, not matter how nice it might be.

Damn right. Absolutely one of my favorite songs of all time.

About 10 years ago I was driving home from a friends house and I stopped at a light near the ramps to the interstate. I was a little stoned and I was listening to Spiderland, Nosferatu Man was playing. As I sat there I watched a fancy new speedboat on a trailer - sans any kind of towing vehicle - come coasting down…

Gosh. I didn't mean to say the Lifetime Network is racist. I wanted to point out that they certainly don't want to court controversy with people like much of my extended family who consider any mention of the topic to be the REAL racism in this country. And, obviously, that doesn't account for all of Lifetime's…

Hi Hitler!

Awesome news! Red vines are on me!

NO! Only one thing can be good and everything else is the WORST THING EVER!!

"banned" wasn't really the correct word.

And that really was a cool table

I discovered it's possible for me to grin from ear to ear while my mouth was hang in open in shock.

He's the Brian Cranston of ridiculous history and/or science!