When he attempts to imitate Springsteen he looks like he's taking a shit. So that's another one.

And we're running out of Velvet Undergrounds fast!

Oops. Never mind.

Too 'on the nose'

That sentence did not need words 7, 8 & 9.

I just took a shit in the filing cabinet, Happy Arbor Day!

It absolutely, without a fucking doubt freaks me out that they are 3.5 years older than me!

It's not that my wife is overly sentimental but rather that she is incredible thrifty. She hates just throwing away something if there is a remote chance we might find a way to sell it or give it to someone who'll use it.

We're battin' 333 people!

In my day the teacher would use her fingers to make shadows on the wall in the light of a whale-oil lamp. That's how I learned about the Protocol of the Elders of Zion in 7th grade!

Don't let your husband meet my wife because it sounds like they are made for each other.

It's all there in the GGG handbook!

My nipples explode with delight!

Gosh. Now I feel like an asshole for asking.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

Because shut up, that's why!

I just don't understand why you'd only buy, never rent, movies. It seems like you set yourself up for issues of obsolescence and besides, re-watchable movies aren't all that common, IMO

The problem I have with VHS is the degradation of the sound and picture quality over time. I too had a bunch of Monty Pythons I taped in the mid-80s and old videos from the golden age of MTV but it became increasingly frustrating trying to enjoy them when everything comes out so muddied and I've gotten used to HD…

Maybe you just need to use more lube.

At the local haberdasher, of course.