Is a cumber-patch more between a Brazilian and a landing strip or more between a landing strip and a wild and untamed slice of 70's hair-pie?

You should cajole O'Neal into writing an article about that. He really appreciates the help.

Someone call Tilda Swinton!

I may be beginning to think that Julian Assange is a self absorbed douche.

And besides that, Wallace was a loon.

Only if you do it right.

They've got to have some open programming blocks on FXX

It upsets the natural order!

Yeah, he didn't even try to work a reference to Breaking Bad in there.

Yum. I love Scandinavian cooking.

That worries me because I have hair like that (albeit, a little lighter in tone). Am I that big a douche?

If someone says something that seems to make little to no sense but everyone starts 'liking' it, just assume its a long running (AKA tired) AVClub inside joke. Just play along and soon you'll have it all figured out.

Either way, I don't recommend using your penis… or so I hear.

As a courtesy to each other we don’t discuss with famous people we think are hot with each other. However, I’ve noticed that The Lovely Mrs. will watch just about anything with Jackie Chan in it.

Just wander into the US House of Reps and start poking. Can't go wrong.

GIVE US A CHANCE TO MISS IT, WILLYA!?!?

That's Socialist talk!

Drop and give me infinity, Jeffrey Katzenberg.

My wife feels that way about Vin Deisel, but only because she thinks he's ugly.

Yes. The Lovely Mrs. Fastandsloppy sleep raped the fuck outta me on Monday night. It was nice.