Somebody died looking for the guy who died looking for the money.

If only there were some way to have "sweet, sweet prison sex" without sneaking off.

And the Oscar for best picture goes to…

Yeah, Jason! Pound that slippery meat! Pound it good! Yeah! Yeah! Really lube up, fellas!

Do you like Lily Collins? I've been a big fan ever since the release of her 2009 film The Blind Side.  Before that, I really didn't understand any of her work. Too artsy, too intellectual. Lily Collins' later career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially movies like…

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB CARRIED OUT BY SCOTT RUDIN AND SONY PICTURES SO THEY COULD EARN 72 OSCARS IN HEAVEN!!!

I think Harrison Ford called dibs on them:  http://youtu.be/4-vjbuodBEU

Excuse me, Mr. Leno, but you need to stop browsing the AVClub at work.

If you ask me, the leper lobby has their fingers in too many pies these days. Someone needs to get them gloves or something to clamp that shit down.

India much prefers Jimmy Fallon.

ALL THE JEWS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD LEFT THESE BUILDINGS AND TOOK THEIR GOLD BEFORE THE POSTERS WENT UP!!!

Yeah, I also had trouble figuring out if it was a bit, at least at the start. I've never listened to Todd Glass's podcast, though. There was so much buildup with the phone message, and then Todd opened by saying, "I'm here to promote my podcast," and then Marc was like, "What? I thought you were gay!" so I thought the…

Ah, so Mark is another victim of of gotchya journalists extracting information from doe-eyed, unsuspecting celebrities. Now it makes sense.

Oh man, who's gonna be the first to scootch closer to Dane Cook in the hot tub and make a Dawes reference? He's a comedian, so I'm sure he'll totally get it.

Yeah, I don't quite get why foreign commercials are okay to do, but not domestic ones. These recent George ads are rather silly, so I don't think it's about protecting his image:

You un-American piece of shit. I haven't decided whether to report you to the Department of Homeland Security yet, but maybe you'd better take this opportunity to assess your future in this country.

Using death in a marketing campaign is an interesting twist. I can only hope this leads to the passion and crucifixion of the Geico Gekko to save us from high insurance prices, then maybe we'll see Ronald McDonald go out in a murder-suicide blaze of glory.

There are probably many ways to create internet vitriol, but here is one formula for it that I just came up with:

i sing of bitches glad and big
whose warmest heart recoiled at strippole:
a conscientious object-or

Not even that, but Marky Mark's got nothing in the "imaginary hero" category. NOW IF I would have been on the plane, I would have beat those terrorists so hard they'd convert to Judaism. Then everyone on board would join me in a bar mitzvah as we make potato pancakes the the terrorists' mouths. Then I would bang the…