All this talk of eating pie has got me wishing I was spending the holidays in Naples with Giada! You're invited, too, GK!

How we doin' gee-man? I don't know what else I can say about Alton Brown that hasn't already been said about Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia. As many times as I've offered The AV Club an exclusive interview and they choose to do a full spread about Alton Browneye instead? I'm glad this site's goin down the tubes.

Your friend was probably a porker. The only pigs in Bobby's kitchen are on the grill, baby!

13.7 thousand viewers disagreed, jabroni.

Hey @avclub-1b1f9a3e639ecc53f335314fc9d8403b:disqus , I got something else that your mom's gonna be excited about……
Our $15 chipotle flounder platter at Mesa Grill. Get ready for a taste bud THROWDOWN, chachi!

Suck homeless dick for one more hit with The Hulk

Bourdain, is that you?

What part of "homicidal Anthony Bourdain" didn't you understand?

Mark my words, Rachael Ray can party any one of us under the table. Good for her for going to the Blue Oyster Bar with Summers and that dago bastard Batali.

Hey, smell my fingers and you tell me, boss!

Hey Citric, I'm throwing a like your way, chach. If you only knew how much that Smash Mouth shit hurt Fieri's feelings, he cries like Anthony Bourdain when he burned a hole in his last spoon!

Tony Boredain. I see what you did there, big man. Go ahead and get yourself 50% off your next meal at Mesa Grill for that whammy.

That's what I said to Giada De Laurentis right before I licked some marinara off her forehead!

How we doin AV Club? It's your boy Bobby Flay. I see you bustin on my boy Guy Fieri, and I gotta be honest, I love it. I'd be a little concerned if I thought that mongoloid could read any of this.

How we doin Podmass? Wanted to drop in to show a little love for supporting my boy Alton Brown. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing with this podcast nonsense, we basically just needed him to shut the hell up around the studios and this seemed like the easiest way to do it.

How we doin AV Club? I wanted to pop in to let you know what does go well with chipotle: Bobby's Famous slow-grilled ribs and a side of corn salsa. $22.95 at Mesa Grill, and this weekend only we'll give you 10% off if you use the secret phrase: "Bobby Flay's cock is enormous."

Free meals for life at Mesa Grill for @mikebmbx:disqus and one guest!

Yeah Alton Brown is great if you can't handle the in-your-face masculinity of Mario Batali.

How we doin AV Club? Thanks for the free advertising in the pic up there, with as many unemployed bums you got commenting here, BBQ With Bobby Flay is sure to see a jump in ratings now! Tune in next week, we're gonna see how many objects I can trick that mongoloid Guy Fieri into eating by covering them in bbq sauce!

Too queer.