EGH!

When attempting a British accent, I just do Brick Top from Snatch. DO YOU KNOW WHAT NEMESIS MEANS?

"Hmm yes. Clearly."

BAD NEWS, NOBODY!

Yeah, but it's like $2.99, and I never pay for apps.

Depends on how much coffee I've had at that particular moment.

*ORCHESTRA HIT* I'm guilty of staring at my phone too much like anyone else, but I do it in the dark emptiness of my home.

I don't wear hats. My hair is too nice.

I love to be the only one in the place not staring down at a smartphone. I feel like I'll be the one who will notice the inevitable next crazy mass shooter before everyone else does.

No, but banks will give hummers to folks with 800 credit scores.

The device looks dumb. That's it. Make it look more like sunglasses and you will win. BOOM. Give me a billion dollars, Google.

Why would you want to connect a mouse and keyboard to Google glass?

I won't be MISLED!

This is making me laugh more than it should. My SO and her family speak Spanish, and I purposefully mispronounce things (both English and Spanish) because it makes me laugh. I'm pretty much the only one that finds it funny.

I had some biogas for lunch. Quite savory.

CARTOGRAPHY
Yeah, I'm out too.

Or he needs a LATITUDE ADJUSTMENT.

Hey what people do with their willies is their own business.

WELL. Don't leave us waiting for the funnier joke, dammit.

[faints dead away]