As we speak, two guys who just wanted to get away from it all for a few days and do a little fishing are having to share their tent with Casey Kasem and no matter how hard they try to suggest it he just will not leave.

Four days, tops? Dude's a wannabe.

Precisely. Ditto Agatha Christie.

We don't know he's been abducted yet. He might be in the Top Celebrity Wanderings Off Somewhere, higher than Gerry Rafferty but below Margot Kidder.

I think you've mistaken Casey Kasem for Poochie.

He retired after his wife died so he could raise their kids.

Should be easy to find him - just go to Washington and look for the Indian reservation everyone says is haunted.

Exhibit A is a photograph of her with a tortoise on her head.

If you want access to Quaid, you'll have to run the security gauntlet of his couch fort first.

(Frank Sinatra Jr. walks out.)

I, too, have a keyboard macro for that speech.

WHY IS THIS NEWS? Well, I'm off now. See you next week!

I hope you bought her a card with "No. 1 Frasier Fan" on it.

You're just trying to lull me into a false sense of security.

That scared the fuck out of me. The part about being trapped in a garage with a jam band, I mean.

This dwarf isn't resentful enough!

He could have saved us a lot of explanation and just said "Look, we're ripping off the Eurovision Song Contest, OK?"

She does in this fan fiction I wrote. I'm open to offers. I can work in Danaerys, Joffrey and some Lannisters, but I insist on keeping the romantic sub-plot with Sonic and Knuckles.

Yeah, like all those A-listers in Hollywood have to beg for movie roles after prostituting themselves for a shitty TV ad in Japan.

Eerily prescient of what happens in Russian hotels these days.