Nah, if anything, that mallet will lie in state with Gallagher at his funeral. Maybe because it will still be embedded in his head after being murdered by a pissed-off melon farmer that finally sensed his chance for revenge.

There are pseudo-garages in Old Town. I can just walk to one and say I own it.

@Balls: Two words: Emiliana Torrini.

For me, the highlight of this article was…
…the link to the Lovers sketch on SNL. It eventually got me to "The Continental", which wins every time.

Unfortunately, it happens here in the DC area as well, but that's only because New Jersey has a fucking colony down here.

Yeah, Snatchthorpe United aren't the best side this year.

So does NPH mind meld with the big Brain Smurf and find out it's afraid?

Woodland porn takes me back. Senior year of high school, I was walking through my friend's neighborhood to my job at Dunkin' Donuts when I came across three porno mags; not literally, at least, not in the woods at that moment, otherwise, I would've been late for work. One of them was British and therefore exotic for…

I just want to say I fully approve of the username Arsene Wenger. Register now, please.

I don't want to concur, but you speak truth.

Chang beer from a 7-11? Bollocks, I say. You'll just write "Chang" in marker on a bottle of Steel Reserve.

Best cover: The Cardigans - Iron Man. Also, The Roots' cover of "Din Daa Daa" is too fun for words.

Wow, that was on my 30th birthday. That's the greatest gift a man can receive right there.

For some reason
I thought she sounded like an asthmatic performing fellatio when I watched this.

@Pheeze: That's fucked up; Blofeld killing children with old ovens and cars, and then having to get lectured by Wendy Richard when you're pulled out.

@Dumbfounded Dipshit:

@Donald Caballero:

10,000 Shimmering Midgets
Patchwork Quilt of Monkey Glands
God Old American Feces
Free-Range Catholics
Hot Off A Bum's Face
A Funky Ball of Tits From Outer Space
Prostitute Robot From The Future

Hmm…historic house in Northern Virginia, Confederacy reenactment. I would say somewhere in Old Town Alexandria, but you can't fire a cannon or ride a horse there. Sully Plantation, perhaps?

Attack Pattern Smegma
Labia Pejora(tive)
Shit Fuckington
Startle A Thompson's Gazelle
Face Like A Slapped Arse
She Smells Like Lavender And Free Education