Kitty Pryde and the X-Men: Threat or Menace?

Kitty Pryde and the X-Men: Threat or Menace?

He's back? Oh, thank goodn- I mean, GET ME PARKER! I NEED PICTURES! PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!!!

That hack Lee still owes me fifty thousand dollars! If you want to play Texas Hold 'Em with old J. Jonah Jameson, you better have the money to back it up!

Simmons is a slanderous hack! I am currently in the process of suing him for misrepresenting me to the unsuspecting public as a bloviating, bilious blow hard! Me, J. Jonah Jameson, a blow hard?! I'm as subtle and gentle as a summer's breeze, and don't you forget it, Buster!!!

You're darn right you do!

I've been trying to call Parker for hours, and he hasn't responded! The slacker!

He was my cause. My crusade. My white whale…and to know that he's gone, just like that…here today and gone tomorrow….dust in the wind….

Spider-Man gone, you say? I….I'm not sure how to….how to respond to this….

Wait what are you goons talking about? What does this kid have to do with my good friend Lucy Lawless?

Wait what are you goons talking about? What does this kid have to do with my good friend Lucy Lawless?

Julie Taymor has maimed so many innocent New Yorkers, she ought to be in The Sinister Six!

Julie Taymor has maimed so many innocent New Yorkers, she ought to be in The Sinister Six!

James Franco is a menace!

James Franco is a menace!

That's my baby! Smokin' Joe won it from me in a card game! Why did I hit on 17?! Why?

That's my baby! Smokin' Joe won it from me in a card game! Why did I hit on 17?! Why?

This just goes to show you what a cheap rag Jill Abromson is running! Why read this bird cage liner, when the Bugle is bringing you hard hitting news that reads like the finest, most gripping prose?! And pictures! The best photo news in New York! Pictures of Spider-Man!!! Excelsior!!!

This just goes to show you what a cheap rag Jill Abromson is running! Why read this bird cage liner, when the Bugle is bringing you hard hitting news that reads like the finest, most gripping prose?! And pictures! The best photo news in New York! Pictures of Spider-Man!!! Excelsior!!!

What is this? Some kind of flagrant, unauthorized impersonation? I'll sue you to the fullest extent of the law, you rat fink! I already had to put the kibosh on Miramax's unauthorized biopic staring Daniel Day Lewis after that pompous jackanape was crowing about how many awards he was going to win playing me! He was…