I've said it before and I will say it again - you need to cast someone like Bobby Redford, George Clooney, or Jon Hamm to capture that certain Jameson gravitas.

Pipe down you rowdy rabble! A grown up is talking! J. Jonah Jameson, beloved publisher, voice of the people, and mayor of the greatest city on Earth is calling it now! The *shudder* "Amazing" Spider-Man is going to be the biggest flop of the year! Holly-weird's latest attempt to glorify a wanted criminal will be met…

Pipe down you rowdy rabble! A grown up is talking! J. Jonah Jameson, beloved publisher, voice of the people, and mayor of the greatest city on Earth is calling it now! The *shudder* "Amazing" Spider-Man is going to be the biggest flop of the year! Holly-weird's latest attempt to glorify a wanted criminal will be met…

The Adversarial Spider-Man!The Ambushing Spider-Man!
The Antagonistic Spider-Man!

The Adversarial Spider-Man!The Ambushing Spider-Man!
The Antagonistic Spider-Man!

Hey now, you no good nogoodnick! Jim Davis is a good personal friend, and I will not sit here and listen to some piddling punk besmirch America's Favorite Cat!

Hey now, you no good nogoodnick! Jim Davis is a good personal friend, and I will not sit here and listen to some piddling punk besmirch America's Favorite Cat!

No, you incompetant schmuck! They ought to make a movie about a real hero, like Spiro Agnew!

No, you incompetant schmuck! They ought to make a movie about a real hero, like Spiro Agnew!

Ms. Brant! Get Stan Lee on line one!

Ms. Brant! Get Stan Lee on line one!

Foto! Prendi mi le immagini de Ragno-Uomo!

Foto! Prendi mi le immagini de Ragno-Uomo!

Why are you lazy goldbrickers wasting time talking about Batman? He is just a *fictional* character from comic books for kids. We should be focusing on ways to bring that wall crawling menace Spider-Man to justice!

Why are you lazy goldbrickers wasting time talking about Batman? He is just a *fictional* character from comic books for kids. We should be focusing on ways to bring that wall crawling menace Spider-Man to justice!

Beloved, Statham Loving Gimmick Poster Blasts Masked Wall Crawler! Leads Clarion Call to Make the AV Club a Spider Free Zone!!

Beloved, Statham Loving Gimmick Poster Blasts Masked Wall Crawler! Leads Clarion Call to Make the AV Club a Spider Free Zone!!

PICTURES! Get me pictures of ZODIAC MOTHER….hey, look here wise guy, I run a family paper!

PICTURES! Get me pictures of ZODIAC MOTHER….hey, look here wise guy, I run a family paper!

One side, Lee! Let a real publisher show you how it's done! Alright you costumed clown, I've got a proposition for you! If you do somehow end up crossing dimensions in that mashugana doohickey, I'd be willing to pay you $1 million* to set up an elaborate trap to bring that nattering nogodnick Spider-Man to justice! Or…