Jeselnik is hilarious and fresh. Norton is unfunny and stale.

Jeselnik is hilarious and fresh. Norton is unfunny and stale.

Not a single fucking funny thing about this cretin. Also, he has the kind of mug that would look better after getting smashed repeatedly with a tire iron.

Not a single fucking funny thing about this cretin. Also, he has the kind of mug that would look better after getting smashed repeatedly with a tire iron.

This casting decision makes me happy. I see damn good movie potential.

What he forgot to mention is that he was home-schooled.

Hey, buddy, that's what marriage is for.

So where does "cunny" fit into all of this? Isn't that like the British version of "wee-wee"?

I'm certainly the universe.

We all want lots of things that we won't get. Regardless of your choices and lot in life, you take what goes with the terrain. If you choose to own your own business, along with the excitement you also accept the instability. If you want the power of being an executive, you also accept the shit ton of responsibility,…

Not if your favorite performers are strippers.

I just listened to him on Adam Carolla whining about how hard it is to be celebrity. Of course, it was all dressed in the "c'mon, most us celebs are just dudes trying to do our dry cleaning", and "hey, I don't demand 100% access to YOUR life, ingrate douchebag—give me privacy when I want it (but don't like totally…

If I were a cartoonist I'd draw a Family Circus parody with Christopher Hitchens as Grandpa, staring down at Billy when he says something adorable to PJ. Instead of "Grandpa" on his angelic shirt it would read "Hitch". Actually,  it should still read "Grandpa".

You needed LouisCK's bit to learn that about yourself?

"mastubatorical"? I think you mean masturbatory. I should know—I am an expert masturbator.

Everyone taped songs off the radio, so that's no reason for suicide. Don't get me wrong, though—I am a strong advocate of your killing yourself.

For some (depressing) reason, I can recite this instantly from memory:

Your girlfriend had an NFL Ticket? She's a keeper, Milk Box.

Hey, this Portlandia post is perfect timing: I just had a popup of a deer head ejaculate over the entirety of my screen, and it wouldn't close despite my repeatedly 'x'-ing the window.

Yup, that was exactly my assertion.