What? No shout out for Carey Lowell?

When the networks get deperate enough to give me my own talk show, one of my regular segments is going to be "When Latin Geeks Attack." I'm also going to have Will Sasso as my second banana.

Yeah, well, being able to club a baby seal to death doesn't exactly make you a formidable hunter. No political correspondent is anything more than a lap dog.

Hugs are fun…
but tasing is much more funerer. But whats funerer-est is tasing two people while they're hugging.

We should start with Jon and Kate. The kids may still be salvageable, but not these two sphincters.

Is that why his smile is so…incandescently gay?

That'd been comedy gold at CSI: Defunct Chain of Celebrity Themed Chicken Eatin' Places.

Not me. All them chicks looked distinctly "high maintenance bitchwad" to me.

A Scrote of Wayaneses.

That's the one what everyone got over ran by the Afrika Korps, right?

You probably do Borat impersonations at the few and far between parties you get invites to as well.

Nope. Quasi-Top-Pop by Heather Not-Locklear's body double beats Phoebe Kudrow FFN any day of the week.

"Zapped," cuz he got to see Heather Not-Locklear's body double pop most of her top.

So you want it to be harvested?

Looks kinda like he rides the short bus everywheres.

You gotta answer the door with a slide-action 12 guage for the ones in my neighborhood to get the message. Sumbitch, they coulda been boy scouts, I guess.

Whence that particular piece of intelligence, Sybil?

It will also lend you money at a usurious rate if you ain't kosher.

Yeah, Bob, it's more like he's the thinkingest man's 70s vintage gay porn star, one of them what was always "catching."

Somebody [I think it was the bug dude] gave me a copy of Stossell's book and said it changed his life. I got about to page three and my nose started to bleed. So now I just use to smash the roaches that skitter across the plasma screen. Don't need the bug dude no more now!!!