George Clooney always seemed intelligent to you? Did you always ride the short bus to school?

Not to worry, Riff. Prison Wine is a master taxidermist. Let's just say that you'll never have to wonder if the air conditioning is working.

Huh? What? Huh? SPEAK UP DAMMIT!! Say what? Hell no I don't want no wilted red willie with some gayass handlebar mustache tied around it like a bow! What is this shit? Have I logged onto the NAMBLA site by mistake?

Judging from the receipts from the franchise, you're about the only one who did.

Just who told you that you'd been accepted, Josh?

Was Rhona Mitra in any of these flicks?
'Cause that's about the only reason I go see a movie anymore.

But aren't the FEMA coffins contaminated with arsenic?

Thanks for clearing that up for me, Mr. Science.

I got a cravin' for weird corn chips. Is that the same thing?

It's called Gallows Humor, there .5 Jew. You been payin' any attention to the trajectory of my career lately? Now THERE'S some DARK SHIT!!!

I always thought Mr. Clean's appeal was the subliminal message that if you bought Mr. Clean products, Mr. Clean would not hunt you down and rape you anally.

You know she done had her boobies augmented there, don't you, OTP?

Where's the product placement for the Influenza H1N1 body bags?
It's just great to know that in a few short weeks none of this bullshit will matter because millions of us are going to be dead.

Don't forget the naked chick in the bathtub, the inked-up biker chick with the extra elbows, the splosions, the plague zombies, the custom built APC's, all the automatic weapons fire, and the Bentley. And the knights on horsies. Man, too bad the plague didn't get here in time to keep me from goin' into the…

Goofus was always my favorite. Galant reminded me of those wedge-assed little snitches who got icecream for ratting you out.

One really doesn't require credentials in psychology or child development or much of anything else to spot a pasture muffin the size of a termite mound.

Mexico's also got enough tequila to float the entire U.S. Navy. Trust my liver, it knows.

So where are the coloring books for veterans suffering from PTSD?

Perhaps if we all wore beaks and danced frenzidly…oh, yeah-and shot everyone who has it. Or looks like they have it. Or looks like they might get it. Or looks like they may have been to Mexico at some time. Or…AH TO HELL WITH IT!!! JUST KILL 'EM ALL AND LET THE LORD SORT IT OUT!!!

Glad to have been of service, Herr Doktor. Rhona Mitra was the only reason I shelled out for the DVD. And btw That Ass, I just mentioned some of the stuff in it, I didn't give anything away. But since you've brought it up [OFFICIAL KENNY ROGERS SPOILER ALERT]: don't blink or you'll miss the naked chick in the…