And what magical world do you live in where beans are legumes?  Next you're going to tell me that ham, bacon, and pork chops all come from the same magical animal…

They are in the family Fabaceae, which makes them a legume

Grapenuts.  No grapes, no nuts.  What…is…the…DEAL???

Why is the house so burned when it's barely on fire?

There is no reasonable discussion to have on this topic, so the Holy Roman Empire…neither holy, Roman, nor an empire.  Discuss…

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I STOP I
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He's just hoping someone will mistake him as a Beastie Boy now that they're Hall of Famers…

When I do it, I usually just try and look down, so as not to make eye contact with anyone else on the subway.

zero = number of guys in Grinderman that could get laid on their looks alone.  Thhink God for dashing personalities…

I'm more of a Blur kinda guy myself…

uhhh, it's spelled Muppet, not puppet…

I can't decide which is best, mustardaise or mayonard…

Everytime someone smokes a cigarette, an angel gets kicked in the shins

Man, I was getting AIDS back in the 80's, before all the celebrities started getting it.  Then I heard my grandma and Aunt Elsie had AIDS, and I was all like, pffft…that shit is lame…

You can go two ways with this situation.  You can make sure to stay on the up and up with everyone by talking about everyday chit chat, or you can try and subtly insult the guy, making him think you're a dick.  That way when you see him on TV, you can tell the people nearby about how you don't think he like's you…

There's not a guide book, per se, but whatever you do, don't get caught touching the chair where she was just sitting and then sniffing your hand.  You're gonna just have to trust me on this one…

I want them to play George Michael's "Father Figure" if they ever have Mackenzie Phillips on…

cool story, bro…

You would think that at least some of the Bang Bus participants would crack the top 10…

Fantasy image?  Whose fantasy, Pol Pot???