I'm looking forward to Party Leviticus to know what kind of people need to be put to death.

Don't hold back. Tell us how you REALLY feel about Ayn Rand and Objectivism.

So Andrew W.K. is still in favor of partying? It's still not clear.

So Andrew W.K. is still in favor of partying? It's still not clear.

Merle Haggard Haggard.

Merle Haggard Haggard.

That's a pretty mëtäl reason to not tour. Not as good as Gaahl from Gorgoroth being jailed for blood-drinking torture or the guitarist from Slayer getting a flesh eating virus, but it will have to do.

That's a pretty mëtäl reason to not tour. Not as good as Gaahl from Gorgoroth being jailed for blood-drinking torture or the guitarist from Slayer getting a flesh eating virus, but it will have to do.

Gangrene.

Gangrene.

NWOBHM ist Krieg!

Makes sense. John Bonham drank himself to death, while Cage portrayed someone who did the same thing in "Leaving Las Vegas". Cage plays John McLoughlin in "World Trade Center", while Jimmy Page played with John McLaughlin as session guitarists-for-hire in the mid-60's. And Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, while…

He could get a job coming up with song, album and band names for Death Metal bands. "Chainsaw Fucking a Dirty Whore's Cunt" sounds like Cannibal Corpse's next masterpiece.

Why do all Black/Death Metal bands use the exact same unreadable "gothic" lettering in their names? What's wrong with Arial or Courier or Times New Roman once in a while? I guess we'll know this only when we figure how many licks it takes to reach the center of a Tootsie Roll.

I also like 70's insect movies. You know, killer bees, rampaging spiders, etc. One that somewhat intersects with the 70's dystopian theme is "Phase IV", where formerly warring species of ants join forces, develop a collective intelligence, and begin their ascent to the top of the biological pyramid, starting with the…

Silent Majority Rock is the new Yacht Rock. So break out your Ban-Lon shirts, grow some not-so-threatining sideburns that your kid's boy scout troop leader could get away with (if you are a man) or get a Carol Brady bangs-n-mullet cut (if you are a woman), and get your wood-paneled station wagon waiting in line for…

Any rebroadcast of retransmission of this article without the expressed written consent of Onion AV Club and Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited.

Hitler.

Yöu hävë tö bræk ä few ëggs tö mäkë än Ümlåut.

Children are irrational, therefore unneccesary. A is A. I am, therefore I am. Green eggs and ham. Ergo hoc proper ad infinitum Hitlerium unobtanium.