Pirates 3 has the distinction of being the only DVD I ever hired where me and my partner looked at each other about 1/3 of the way through and said "Let's not bother with the rest."

I saw Matrix: Reloaded on New Year's Day and slept through most of it. I was partly convinced that the interminable dance sequence was nothing but a hungover fever dream.

Same is true of The Force Awakens. As underwhelming as the first two prequel films were (I will go in to bat for Revenge of the Sith any day), TFA is the only one I seriously considered walking out of, because it was so goddamn obvious how EVERY. SINGLE. STORY. BEAT was going to play out that I just wanted to get to…

I reviewed it when it came out on DVD.

I watched it at about 2am on my prom night, having drunk a lot of overproof rum.

You could literally skip the first two hours of that movie and it would barely make a difference in a story sense.

Oh, so easy. For me, it was Feeling Minnesota. Truly the worst of the warmed-over Tarantino wannabes of the late 90s. You know a movie's going badly when a major character who you thought was dead turns out to be alive, and everyone in the audience audibly groans: oh geez, not you again.

"Man Smoking E-Cigarette Must Be Futuristic Bounty Hunter."

It's entertaining, but not very accurate, and more self-serving than it appears on first glance. Joseph McBride's Frank Capra: The Catastrophe of Success should be read alongside it.

OK, but then rewatch Beautiful Creatures and see that there is some validity in the idea …

Yeah, I don't think it's that great a job. The puppet was the legal property of the unclaimed baggage company, so they commissioned the restoration. No doubt Henson's Creature Shop would have done a much better job, even if it involved pretty much rebuilding it from scratch.

But we can all be agreed that Elmo makes Big Bird look like a freaking genius.

I was going to mention the same thing. To be fair, Hoggle sat in an unclaimed baggage office for years before he was rediscovered.

So they can claim to be somehow superior to Citizen Kane, which runs a mere 119 minutes?

I'm constantly baffled by how many people 15 years younger than me 'never saw the original trilogy' and only know the three prequel movies. That's not a world I want to live in.

His former band toured as 'The J. Geils Band' without him? That takes some chutzpah.

To play the devil's advocate, they were flying members of their crew to work on a flight which otherwise would have had to be cancelled. Their options were 'annoy three or four passengers' and 'annoy a whole planeload of passengers,' so it's not surprising that they went for the former.

Especially as Gloria Gaynor is still alive.

I remember back even further, when conservatives were up in arms about Bart Simpson proclaiming himself 'an underachiever and proud of it.'

This administration has been devilled by problems since day one. Poaching staff from big business, accusing the media of scrambling their message … they'll all end up with egg on their faces.