It's super tempting to believe that you're Very Smart and capable of understanding things that powerful elites would keep from hardworkin' honest Joes like yourself when all evidence points to the contrary.

First prize is a rational, reasoned outlook colored by the wisdom of your elders and an intrinsic desire to ask questions and arrive at the most likely conclusion, regardless of its place in your preconceived worldview. Second prize is a set of steak knives.

"Have you got blood coming out of your… wherever?"
*Bug-eyed, horrified woman sitting fully clothed on a toilet flails arms*

My cat eats the dog's food and I swear to god his shit stinks so bad I want to throw him out a window.

Turtleemily over here trying to downplay her stinky internal organs. I read the article!

The shark was really a Russian midget.

"Hey can you scratch my back, my hands are full."

It's a close up shot of the underside of a hoverboard, belonging to the famous-but-not-owned-by-Fox Marvel superhero The Silver Boarder.

Wise words from the poop shoot invader over here.

Are we still doing "because of course he did?" I recall that being a minor hit here awhile back.

Close enough.

The air's getting hotter, people are getting poorer, and somehow the powerless are to blame.

Truly this is a Don't Tase Me Bro for the ages.

Blind, fervent hope.

The butt-tocks.

I'll crack open a cold one with the boys to that!

Somebody get Uncle Joe to run in 2020, he's got the memelord base locked in.

I always thought I'd go out in an orgy of sexbots, not gasping for dying breaths in a coal dust-choked hellscape.

Corvids, Michael.

Had to explain to my kid the other day why when Tom went to Heaven on some episode of Tom & Jerry there was a bag of wet kittens up there in line in front of him.