I'm drunk as hell right now.

The Situation's rant against Angelina for not doing the dishes was like an outtake from Raging Bull.

To a speciesist like Nathan, all pachyderms look alike.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

Of course an East-coast intellectual like Nathan Rabin would hate this movie; he and the rest of the lamestream media have nothing but contempt for the values of real Americans.

Unlike Ebert, I would be more willing to recommend a film that was artistically inept or morally repugnant than something as inoffensive and competently-made as "Flipped" sounds like it is. Better for a film to have a grossly misguided vision than no vision at all.

Didn't he feel the leopards?

He should collaborate with the Sexual Homeboys.

I can't hate The Back-Up Plan
because every time I see the title, I immediately think of the awesome Big Boi song.

I could have used a book like this the summer I turned 13, when I first learned how to touch the place of my own essence.

Of all the books published in 2010, this is certainly one.

"Ho-ho-hold on, hold on one second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it!"

Wouldn't the torch ceremony be a shoo-in for an award called "Best Lighting," even if one of the legs doesn't deploy and the audience is treated to three minutes of Canadian Heroes standing around nervously?

If you wanna go to hell, you should take a trip
To that Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississip'

I watched that episode this weekend, and had the whole "Streetcar!" medley stuck in my head this morning. It was at once maddening and delightful.

Hey, I'd watch an Edward Gorey biopic. The story of an asexual artist who lived alone with his cats and attended every performance of the New York City Ballet for over a decade? Box office gold!

"Killer piranhas. Spring break. Whaddaya need, a road map?"

And featuring Hulk Hogan, Bobby Flay & Nicole Krauss as themselves.

It probably marks me as a hipster stereotype, but I think Sammi was exponentially hotter with her glasses on.

Your gray facial hair has put you in a rocking chair!