Is Van Johnson anything like Dick Van Dyke?

What about NASCAR driver Dick Trickle?

You're no Bruce Vilanch.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave?

NO INCEPT!

And zat, little one, is how papa gained his freedom.

Couldn't you be using a less offensive word than "Mexican"?

I'm guessing she was the one who talked in a silly voice.

It's funny because it's sometimes true!

Saying that "all art is self-indulgent" fails to account for several centuries where art was largely driven by patronage. Michelangelo didn't get to paint the Sistine Chapel by not considering what other people wanted out of him.

Didn't they sing "I Could Never Be Your Betty"?

I prefer when the title card is omitted completely to when it appears a half hour into the movie (The Departed, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). It's kind of distracting.

*SPOILER ALERT*

But will ZMF's obscenity trial make it to the Supreme Court?

Apparently a short story I wrote in college was in the style of Raymond Chandler, if Raymond Chandler wrote plotless stories about teen romance that cribbed heavily from "Ghost World."

As Lucille Bluth taught us, you have to drink the whole bottle of vodka once you open it, otherwise it turns to water.

I don't know, God seemed pretty OK with the Messiah dying the first time around.

God loves double posts. The book of Deuteronomy is the original double post.

Oh, Noel…so naive
You can explain the concept of this column as many times as you want; it won't stop people from complaining every week that there's no way an episode of "Eerie, Indiana" is better than "Pine Barrens."

Dollhouse seems kind of redundant, since Scott's TV Club writeups are still warm.