Thumbprint ID technology was abandoned because some people thought it was unhygienic. (Apparently these same people had not thought through the implications of buttons, door handles, etc.)

Was everyone else's favorite pop culture of recent times really all about Donald Trump, or did they misunderstand the question?

See, that all makes perfect sense to me. He got enough experience points for killing the helicopter that he leveled up, so he was able to beat the Harrier. After all these movies, he's got so many hit points he can just walk over broken glass and it won't even slow him down.

I'm not.

Goddess - wasn't that the one where a corrupt policeman needs to cross the Atlantic, so instead of just buying a ticket, he hijacks an airplane and then forces it to land on a crowded beach, killing hundreds of people for no particular reason?

Oriental cuisine traditionally list foods that alter your body temperature one way or the other. As far as I can tell this is one of those mystical qi energy things. "Never eat crab with melon, as these will both lower your body temperature, potentially to a dangerous degree. Now I'll teach you an exercise to channel…

So that's what that song was lacking: ironic misery!

Yeah, it was set up pretty logically. Makes me worried about season two, though.
First half: Shades and Mariah match wits with Luke. They know they can't kill him with guns, so they try to control him by holding Harlem hostage.
Second half: Diamondback returns with superpowers, kills Shades and Mariah, and then has a…

I have it right here in paragraph 4B:
Netflix will supply 13 episodes, irrespective of the requirements of the story. Netflix will guarantee the quality of the first few episodes, after which they are required to go off the rails a bit so as not to make the Agents of Shield to look bad in comparison.

So that's why they kept cutting to the power pack - to give us a chance to get the visual joke. (Instead, it made everyone think that Luke would break the power pack, and when that didn't happen he just seemed like he was kind of dumb for not trying it.)

What, you don't think that a bunch of joggers from 2004 who travelled back in time and were captured by the Russians would be sent to a gulag? As far as I'm concerned, this theory is rock solid and much more plausible than any theory about a serial killer who collects feet and throws out the ones that are starting to…

Thanks for covering for me.

I saw this hilariously old movie where the director completely screwed up the order of the scenes. At one point a dead character came back to life purely due to an editing blunder. I think it was called 'Pulp Fiction'.

The previous / next 'Newswire' items linked here are:

That sentence both made me like her, and want to pedantically point out that Fry is from the generation after Monty Python - his sketch show premiered 20 years after Flying Circus.

And judging by your portrait, you're a Borg cube, so that's 64,000 tickets pre-booked already!

Pitch for a movie:
A group of gangsters discover there is a secret treasure hoard in Capone's vault. They have a crazy idea to steal it out from under the nose of the media circus before the vault's official opening - but can they trust one another?

Yeah, we demand only serious news coverage! I came here hoping for a serious analysis of the Syria situation, or an update on what's going on in Mosul, and what do we get? Stuff about what's been on television recently! There's no place on the AV Club for that!

"In the original, a man dressing as a woman was daringly transgressive. But times have changed. What can we do now that would really shock the public?"
"How about… a woman dressed as a woman?"
"Outrageous! I love it! How many million dollars do you need?"
"I was… joking?"
"I said, HOW MANY MILLION DOLLARS DO YOU NEED?!?"
"S…

The 1939 remake of The Wizard of Oz. The 1949 remake of The Maltese Falcon. The 1959 remake of Ben-Hur. The 1982 remake of The Thing. The 1986 remake of The Fly. The 2001 remake of Ocean's 11.